Creating a Healthy Relationship with One's Self
Developing Self-Compassion
The other day, somebody asked me who I needed to forgive. The answer that popped into my head was surprising because I’ve come to believe that people do their best at any given time, even though it doesn’t always seem that way.
Maybe I didn’t know the whole story; perhaps it was for the best, or extenuating factors brought a less-than-acceptable response, but I don’t typically dwell on the need to forgive. The answer that immediately came to mind was “me.”
However, it seems to be more about self-compassion than forgiveness—relating to myself with kindness and understanding, especially when feeling inadequate, making mistakes, or facing challenges.
The article, Are You Compassionate With Yourself, provided several strategies. I must have forgotten that message.
So, it was time to review Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion - to remind me of her main points—treating oneself with kindness and understanding during difficult times or when one feels one is not good enough.
Experts say how you treat yourself affects many aspects of life and positively affects happiness, optimism, and wisdom. The following three concepts are essential.
1 – Mindfulness
Self-compassion involves being aware of your thoughts and emotions—neither exaggerating or dismissing them. It allows you to notice negative thoughts and feelings and treat them with acceptance in a nonjudgmental way.
Without self-compassion, you might think, “I can’t believe I’m so stressed and constantly thinking about tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment. Why do I have this terrible headache?”
With self-compassion, you would notice the headache, be curious, and think, “Hmm, I have a headache. I also have that appointment tomorrow. I wonder if I’m stressed right now.”
2 – Common Humanity
Rather than feeling isolated, you practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that other people also sometimes think they’re not enough, which is a part of life everyone experiences.
3 – Self-Kindness
Self-kindness shows care, consideration, and understanding when you fail, suffer, or feel inadequate. Even when you don’t reach your self-expectations, you choose to be gentle with yourself rather than resort to anger or frustration.
The reality about life is that you are going to make mistakes. As human beings, we fail and are imperfect. Accepting this reality with kindness and patience instead of self-judgment can help you practice self-compassion.
The article, Transform Your Life: The Heartfelt Journey of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Kindness by Dr. Allen N. Schwartz offers a similar message.
If I genuinely want to be healthy and age well, I need to be kinder to myself. Self-compassion is a significant starting point.
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It was time to review Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion - to remind me of her main points—treating oneself with kindness and understanding during difficult times, or when one feels not good enough.
I believe stress is more common among a lot of us in the past few years. Thank you the reminder of self kindness..sooo important!