I was a strong, independent, single parent my entire life. It is only now that I am old that I do not always trust myself, as most of the modern world has left me behind. I thank all the gods that I have my son who helps me keep up. I DO know how fortunate I am to have him living near by. Thanks, Janice, for always reminding me how blessed I am. As for YOU, sweetheart, you sound stronger, braver, and more confident with every article you post! I hear it.
So many thoughts. I grew up as you did. I wasn't allowed to make my own decisions or make mistakes. My mother was right beside me all the way trying ro protect me from what she went through as a child. And I was adopted. She was an older mother for back in those days so very over protective and strict.
Once i got out of the house I went through multiple relationships over the years and each one knew best. Until I found one that did not.
In 2001 my father died. I was left to care for my mother at 43. I had to change my entire life around. I'd never had children, responsibilities (except for to myself), and worked in an industry that was unique and with it came rather suspect characters and a racy lifestyle.
I had to find normal. Only I didn't know what normal was. I was reeling from my father's sudden death. My mother had morphed me into her companion and caregiver to take the place of my dad. They'd been married for 53 years (another story, another time).
I had to learn a new way of life and find a different and more acceptable occupation with it.
I applied to a vocational school and made my first (real) decision about my new career... and hurriedly entered into a new relationship... he was very controlling and thought he knew best for me and everyone else (I suppose).
I wanted to be an architectural drafter. I was so excited. I passed the entry tests and couldn't wait to get started.
Enter in new boyfriend's opinion that the career I'd carefully chosen didn't make a lot of money... but selling real estate did.
He was relentless. He found a mentor for me and convinced me I didn't know what was best. I got into real estate school and passed the exam. I never really got excited about it. But he was excited and at that moment it was important that I people-please to avoid confrontation and seeing myself as a failure in the mirror.
Taking care of my mother (who by then thought I'd gone back to rebellious teenaged years) and listening to my guy's incessant yapping I went to work and threw myself into my new career.
Fast forward. I went through all my retirement and became a basket case trying to be someone I clearly was not. I think I sold 3 properties in 5 years. (That part is a bit fuzzy as I've chosen to forget that part of my life.)
6 years later I got back into my old industry, pulled myself financially up and out of trouble, supported and cared for my mother, while trying to convince this man I knew what was best for me. It was a battle that never ceased.
Today. Everyone is gone. I'm no longer the person I was for so many years. My star is fading in my career as i let it go recently and now I stand to face my life where I am today.
Learning to navigate at 65 isn't easy. One step at a time. I second-guess myself often. But I take my time making decisions now and am learning to accept and adapt to who and where I am in stark reality.
Your post really hit home. Thank you for your work.
Thank you Janice - I'm so glad to hear you have a strong support network. So many thoughts, reflections and shared ideas/feelings after reading your post and watching Kristin's "talk". I'm going to hang onto my theory/mantra about being "Perfectly on Time". It is part of a "practice" of pausing long enough to take a breath (or a thousand) and allow whatever inner source, is always working in my favour, to step forward with an intuitive and considered thought. I say "practice" because my darling mentor Gladys, who is 97 and no longer always fully present, taught me years and years ago that the day I exit the earth-school is the day I will understand it all. Until then the experiences are simply that....experiences. And, each and every one of them comes and goes.
It's lovely to see younger generations opening doorways to new ideas with a view to encouraging changes. When Kristin made that statement about "This is not the plan I signed up for..." I couldn't help but consider - "Aha...but perhaps I DID sign up - at a soul level". Authors like Robert Schwartz, Gary Zukov, Michael Singer, Suzanne Giesemann and others have given me a way to view our world in all its glory - and me in all my glory - with a little less judgement and a little more acceptance and kindness than was available in my 1st and 2nd quarters.
ALL of the explorations undertaken by this Crone since my soul-mate's passing in 2018 have helped me look more closely at my shadow voice of self-doubt, inner critic, and general negative ninny. When that self-sabotage voice gets a little too pushy it's time for me to go "practice". Wishing you well and sending loving energy your way.
They definitely do, Janice....... until we learn to let them go. My book, 'How to Age in Style,' currently with the editing department, addresses that.
Just be who you want to be and don't waste time on those who can't accept that.
One of my favorite authors is Wayne Dyer. He used to say that what other people think of you is none of your business. It's what you think of yourself that matters. (Power of Intention)
The doors are wide open for you now, to think and to act in whatever ways you believe are right for you. It's wonderful that you are finding nuggets from different sources to help you along the way. And remember, along the way, to just breathe, and let the feelings of what makes you feel good be your guide, one small step at a time. You've got this!
Hi Janice, what I have learned as I age.....I don't need to excel at anything. I just need to enjoy. Sometimes we are caught in old messages.....been there, done that! You are 10 years older than me. What do you want me to know before it is too late?
Love this article and these comments! Deeply trusting ourselves is a lifetime of work for sure. As you mentioned Janice, there are so many reasons for this.
Cultural conditioning is huge! We have not been taught to listen to our own higher power - our inner voice - then we numb out because what those things are telling us are too painful or difficult so we bury our head in the sand & use being too busy, or wine or Netflix to not face our truth.
Confidence is a learned/taught skill. Learning to deeply listen takes the utmost courage. It's great you have a coach Janice. Surrounding ourselves with information and a teacher who can help us be accountable while showing us a different way is the most effective path to growth. The exciting thing is this can happen at any age! I find if I am constantly reading & learning about surrender and trust I simply feel better in my body and mind.
Two books that I adore that have had a tremendous impact for me are
Martha has overcome so much by learning, the hard way, how to listen to her inner voice. She is one of the best teachers I have ever come across to help me learn how to live in integrity - true to my deepest self. Highly recommend to learn how to feel more tuned into ourselves and confident.
Beautiful prompts for self exploration. Reasonable goals and a consistent gentle trek is my cup of tea. ❤️
I was a strong, independent, single parent my entire life. It is only now that I am old that I do not always trust myself, as most of the modern world has left me behind. I thank all the gods that I have my son who helps me keep up. I DO know how fortunate I am to have him living near by. Thanks, Janice, for always reminding me how blessed I am. As for YOU, sweetheart, you sound stronger, braver, and more confident with every article you post! I hear it.
So many thoughts. I grew up as you did. I wasn't allowed to make my own decisions or make mistakes. My mother was right beside me all the way trying ro protect me from what she went through as a child. And I was adopted. She was an older mother for back in those days so very over protective and strict.
Once i got out of the house I went through multiple relationships over the years and each one knew best. Until I found one that did not.
In 2001 my father died. I was left to care for my mother at 43. I had to change my entire life around. I'd never had children, responsibilities (except for to myself), and worked in an industry that was unique and with it came rather suspect characters and a racy lifestyle.
I had to find normal. Only I didn't know what normal was. I was reeling from my father's sudden death. My mother had morphed me into her companion and caregiver to take the place of my dad. They'd been married for 53 years (another story, another time).
I had to learn a new way of life and find a different and more acceptable occupation with it.
I applied to a vocational school and made my first (real) decision about my new career... and hurriedly entered into a new relationship... he was very controlling and thought he knew best for me and everyone else (I suppose).
I wanted to be an architectural drafter. I was so excited. I passed the entry tests and couldn't wait to get started.
Enter in new boyfriend's opinion that the career I'd carefully chosen didn't make a lot of money... but selling real estate did.
He was relentless. He found a mentor for me and convinced me I didn't know what was best. I got into real estate school and passed the exam. I never really got excited about it. But he was excited and at that moment it was important that I people-please to avoid confrontation and seeing myself as a failure in the mirror.
Taking care of my mother (who by then thought I'd gone back to rebellious teenaged years) and listening to my guy's incessant yapping I went to work and threw myself into my new career.
Fast forward. I went through all my retirement and became a basket case trying to be someone I clearly was not. I think I sold 3 properties in 5 years. (That part is a bit fuzzy as I've chosen to forget that part of my life.)
6 years later I got back into my old industry, pulled myself financially up and out of trouble, supported and cared for my mother, while trying to convince this man I knew what was best for me. It was a battle that never ceased.
Today. Everyone is gone. I'm no longer the person I was for so many years. My star is fading in my career as i let it go recently and now I stand to face my life where I am today.
Learning to navigate at 65 isn't easy. One step at a time. I second-guess myself often. But I take my time making decisions now and am learning to accept and adapt to who and where I am in stark reality.
Your post really hit home. Thank you for your work.
Thank you Janice - I'm so glad to hear you have a strong support network. So many thoughts, reflections and shared ideas/feelings after reading your post and watching Kristin's "talk". I'm going to hang onto my theory/mantra about being "Perfectly on Time". It is part of a "practice" of pausing long enough to take a breath (or a thousand) and allow whatever inner source, is always working in my favour, to step forward with an intuitive and considered thought. I say "practice" because my darling mentor Gladys, who is 97 and no longer always fully present, taught me years and years ago that the day I exit the earth-school is the day I will understand it all. Until then the experiences are simply that....experiences. And, each and every one of them comes and goes.
It's lovely to see younger generations opening doorways to new ideas with a view to encouraging changes. When Kristin made that statement about "This is not the plan I signed up for..." I couldn't help but consider - "Aha...but perhaps I DID sign up - at a soul level". Authors like Robert Schwartz, Gary Zukov, Michael Singer, Suzanne Giesemann and others have given me a way to view our world in all its glory - and me in all my glory - with a little less judgement and a little more acceptance and kindness than was available in my 1st and 2nd quarters.
ALL of the explorations undertaken by this Crone since my soul-mate's passing in 2018 have helped me look more closely at my shadow voice of self-doubt, inner critic, and general negative ninny. When that self-sabotage voice gets a little too pushy it's time for me to go "practice". Wishing you well and sending loving energy your way.
They definitely do, Janice....... until we learn to let them go. My book, 'How to Age in Style,' currently with the editing department, addresses that.
Just be who you want to be and don't waste time on those who can't accept that.
One of my favorite authors is Wayne Dyer. He used to say that what other people think of you is none of your business. It's what you think of yourself that matters. (Power of Intention)
The doors are wide open for you now, to think and to act in whatever ways you believe are right for you. It's wonderful that you are finding nuggets from different sources to help you along the way. And remember, along the way, to just breathe, and let the feelings of what makes you feel good be your guide, one small step at a time. You've got this!
Hi Janice, what I have learned as I age.....I don't need to excel at anything. I just need to enjoy. Sometimes we are caught in old messages.....been there, done that! You are 10 years older than me. What do you want me to know before it is too late?
That is how to live your life too!
❤️ Susan - Aging with Style
Love this article and these comments! Deeply trusting ourselves is a lifetime of work for sure. As you mentioned Janice, there are so many reasons for this.
Cultural conditioning is huge! We have not been taught to listen to our own higher power - our inner voice - then we numb out because what those things are telling us are too painful or difficult so we bury our head in the sand & use being too busy, or wine or Netflix to not face our truth.
Confidence is a learned/taught skill. Learning to deeply listen takes the utmost courage. It's great you have a coach Janice. Surrounding ourselves with information and a teacher who can help us be accountable while showing us a different way is the most effective path to growth. The exciting thing is this can happen at any age! I find if I am constantly reading & learning about surrender and trust I simply feel better in my body and mind.
Two books that I adore that have had a tremendous impact for me are
Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver https://toshasilver.com/collections/books/products/outrageous-openness
This is filled with light hearted stories that will shift our way of thinking and help us to stay present and surrender.
The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck
https://marthabeck.com/the-way-of-integrity/
Martha has overcome so much by learning, the hard way, how to listen to her inner voice. She is one of the best teachers I have ever come across to help me learn how to live in integrity - true to my deepest self. Highly recommend to learn how to feel more tuned into ourselves and confident.
Love this, especially the video! Thanks for including it and the notion that kindness is about more than hearts and flowers 💐 💚