Well done, Janice - it's always so good to know that we're not alone with our various "warts and angel wings". My week has been a bit of a roller coaster, but I'm grateful to be coming out the other side. I just posted my "Friday Musing" on Substack - perhaps it will give you a moment of pause? :-)
Janice, I’m 83 and in October I’ll be 84. I totally identify with what you have said in your essay. What more can I say except that I’m with you all the way because it’s the same for me
Hi Allan, I had never experienced such anger and frustration before. Somehow I'd like to develop a more supportive mind set, but that continues to be a work in progress.
Thank you. Janice. I have found that stasis is a fantasy. You're either moving forward or loosing ground. Progress is rewarding, so I have found that any step, even tiny ones, are worthwhile. Cheers!
Janice, thank you for your continued direction. I just turned 88 and was widowed in February after a 40-year beautiful marriage. I've been working on the relationship between pain and joy for sometime now. Over the past three years I have worked on self compassion so I find myself more accepting and less critical.
Hi Sandra, I find it an interesting challenge to allow both pain and joy to exist - sometimes at the same time. We have two great-granddaughters - being with them brings me absolute joy, but at the same time there is deep sorrow that my husband never got to meet them and experience the joy they bring.
Janice, I so appreciated this article, as both a coach and a caregiver for my mother. Right at the top of the article you said "I’m teaching myself the habit of taking the time to respond rather than react, which may help." As selfish as this may sound, it was good for me to hear that you are still working through this at 87. I am 73 and maybe there is hope for me yet, to find the space, compassion or whatever the trick is to pause before reacting.
Hi Wendy, When my husband was alive, I reacted rather than responded and then felt so guilty when my frustration showed. I still haven't mastered the pausing yet by any means but I keep practicing. You have the hardest job I know of and you could appreciate yourself every single day for what you are doing for your mother.
Janice, thanks for your kind words. I just wrote about the struggle in my latest Substack. I know the guilt that comes with reacting from frustration. Not sure we can ever master the pause, but hopefully with awareness we can get better at it.
I don't know that I am a self-critic or a self coach. But I DO tend to regularly take stock of where I am now. For example: I am not particularly smart, but I am well-educated and I still have a facility with language. Language OUTPUT, that is. I remind myself of that every time I am faced with language INPUT that I just don't understand, like insurance choices, medical instructions, tech guides that might as well be written in Greek, even obscure poetry from some substack writers that I find no sense in - and I do try. I shut down too quickly now, and get frustrated. So I try to counteract that response by reminding myself about the strengths that remain. And regarding talking out loud to ourselves instead of keeping our thoughts in our heads. Yikes! I am so glad no one hears me these days. This horrible arthritis has me shouting such shocking language all day long.... words I didn't even know were in my vocabulary.
A question to consider is this: Am I being a self critic or a self coach and how is that working for me so far?
Well done, Janice - it's always so good to know that we're not alone with our various "warts and angel wings". My week has been a bit of a roller coaster, but I'm grateful to be coming out the other side. I just posted my "Friday Musing" on Substack - perhaps it will give you a moment of pause? :-)
Janice, I’m 83 and in October I’ll be 84. I totally identify with what you have said in your essay. What more can I say except that I’m with you all the way because it’s the same for me
Hi Allan, I had never experienced such anger and frustration before. Somehow I'd like to develop a more supportive mind set, but that continues to be a work in progress.
I could send you a long list of very satisfying swear words, Janice, if you think it might help. 😂
I am more frustrated than angry- mostly because I don’t have the energy I once had and that makes me self critical .
Hi Antoinette - lack of energy is certainly an issue for me as well.
Thank you. Janice. I have found that stasis is a fantasy. You're either moving forward or loosing ground. Progress is rewarding, so I have found that any step, even tiny ones, are worthwhile. Cheers!
Hi Richard, What a great standard, any steps forward can be cause for celebration.
Janice, thank you for your continued direction. I just turned 88 and was widowed in February after a 40-year beautiful marriage. I've been working on the relationship between pain and joy for sometime now. Over the past three years I have worked on self compassion so I find myself more accepting and less critical.
Hi Sandra, I find it an interesting challenge to allow both pain and joy to exist - sometimes at the same time. We have two great-granddaughters - being with them brings me absolute joy, but at the same time there is deep sorrow that my husband never got to meet them and experience the joy they bring.
Janice, I so appreciated this article, as both a coach and a caregiver for my mother. Right at the top of the article you said "I’m teaching myself the habit of taking the time to respond rather than react, which may help." As selfish as this may sound, it was good for me to hear that you are still working through this at 87. I am 73 and maybe there is hope for me yet, to find the space, compassion or whatever the trick is to pause before reacting.
Hi Wendy, When my husband was alive, I reacted rather than responded and then felt so guilty when my frustration showed. I still haven't mastered the pausing yet by any means but I keep practicing. You have the hardest job I know of and you could appreciate yourself every single day for what you are doing for your mother.
Janice, thanks for your kind words. I just wrote about the struggle in my latest Substack. I know the guilt that comes with reacting from frustration. Not sure we can ever master the pause, but hopefully with awareness we can get better at it.
I don't know that I am a self-critic or a self coach. But I DO tend to regularly take stock of where I am now. For example: I am not particularly smart, but I am well-educated and I still have a facility with language. Language OUTPUT, that is. I remind myself of that every time I am faced with language INPUT that I just don't understand, like insurance choices, medical instructions, tech guides that might as well be written in Greek, even obscure poetry from some substack writers that I find no sense in - and I do try. I shut down too quickly now, and get frustrated. So I try to counteract that response by reminding myself about the strengths that remain. And regarding talking out loud to ourselves instead of keeping our thoughts in our heads. Yikes! I am so glad no one hears me these days. This horrible arthritis has me shouting such shocking language all day long.... words I didn't even know were in my vocabulary.
Loving this format! Keep finding self daily. Each day new life.
Thanks so much!