"Experts say older adults can manage stress effectively by focusing on the present moment without judgment. " This is where my focus is, Janice. Every morning when I wake up I tell myself "This is my life now, and I can deal with it." I try not to compare it to my life before and whine. And I try not to think of how much worse the pain and infirmity will be in the future. No point! I just work with what I have TODAY. What I can do today? How I can measure success today? What one thing can I love today? How can I show kindness today? How can I accept help gracefully today?
Hi Sharron, Those are really wise words, "working with what we have today" and wonderful questions to be asking each morning - kind of setting the focus for the day. Thank you for sharing them.
Ageing is a part of the experience of living. The mental gymnastics about the things we can no longer do and the reminders that our bodies are ageing, showing signs of wear becomes a focal point in our lives. Heck, I'm scheduled for a knee replacement in mid September. I'm going to become part of the bionic community. It's all a part of living from start to finish.
I wrote a book entitle "Making Sense of Growing Older" that addresses many of the questions we all find ourselves asking. I tried to leave the reader with an upbeat sense about this very strange part of life. (It's on Amazon.) ;-)
I love this format so much Janice! This is the kind of stuff we all want to know that no one talks about - how it's actually going? What is really happening on the inside. Thank you.
Hi Donna, That's the thing, what I was reading didn't match what I was experiencing. For a long time, I thought it was just me, but after writing these posts for a while, it was obvious, others were having the same feelings - they just weren't being talked about.
As we age we often feel the loss of physical abilities and it does bring sadness. As for your rash as we age our skin dries out so I hope you are able to moisturise and then seal in with oil. If rash persists worth seeing Dr to rule out infection or deficiency.
Hi Janice ~ What's frustrating to me is I know the answer to that question. I need to change my diet: less sugar, junk food, and Pepsi. I don't know why it's so hard to do that when it definitely makes me feel better. Stuck in my young, "you-can-eat-anything ways," I guess. I need to grow up. Ha!
Hi Jan,I grew up with sugar in my diet - so, my body is accustomed to a certain amount and even though I eat less if you include the sugar contained in bread, pasta, etc, which I can say no to, desserts are something else. So, it's still a part of my diet - to a lesser degree and yet more can be done.
It’s all very well to have ‘the experts’ and their views but YOU are the expert in you! And now it’s more power to you as your heart, mind and body come together in a state of grace, acceptance and peace. My view is too that until each of us is in the stage of life we are in there is no guidance..and to become our own expert is the way to go. Sending my love and best wishes to you! You are 11 years older than me and I think from what I read here are you are doing marvellously!
Janice, you have articulated aging precisely . The anger, resentment , challenge of not comparing ourselves to others, mourning the losses. All of the previous comments resonate . Let us all just keep trying the best we are able, pushing just a little bit harder without injury , and remembering to thank our bodies for hanging in there so long . It is not easy .
Hi Janice. Just stopping by to say Hi. Thank you for sharing so honestly where you're at with your frustrations. You are probably doing better than you think. It's so hard when our body doesn't do what the mind wants. However, for me, this was the path to being so much more loving with myself. When I was having therapy for Long Covid, the therapist said, in terms of self love, that we can love that critical, frustrated part of ourselves; the part that is being mean to us! We don't have to make it go away, just love it as part of loving us. I found that helped me because you don't have to deny how you're feeling but there is something positive you can do about it.
You are probably doing better than you think. Lots of love ❤❤
Hi Cali, That seems like wise advice - loving the frustrated part of ourselves and understanding it's position - because those feelings are valid - there is loss, lives must be adjusted. Of course there is frustration when I think about it that way.
There's so much here that's helpful, but what I really liked is when you "asked the rash if it had a message" for you. We need to listen to our bodies more (I do, anyway). Thank you for this.
Dearest, Janice. So much of what you have written resonated with me and while our linear, earth-school calendar, has me sitting a little bit behind you in age, much of what you have shared gives me more to contemplate. I wish I had a magic wand or could twitch my nose like a genie in a bottle, but those particular abilities are not part of this human suit.🤭 What I would share, based on my own experience, is that a daily practice of inspirational reading, talking out loud (somehow provides clarity), journalling (also provides clarity) and meditation (Insight Timer - https://insig.ht/rzQAyCRPw5b) have resulted in a significant shift in what might be described as “borderline depression”. I am now coming to year seven since my husband passed. I had absolutely no idea that the loss and grieving process would be what it has turned into and yet here I am. I’m sending along, what I have come to describe as, “loving heart and soul energy“ your way. I also agree that one of the greatest gifts we can practice, is to give ourselves same level of care, kindness, love and compassion that we are so ready to give to others. Thank you for continuing to share your story with all of us. It’s so good to know we are never really alone. 💕
Hi Marilyn, Thank you for your lovely response. That's a good way of describing it - borderline depression. I too had no idea that the loss of my husband would affect me so deeply and that adding the losses of aging would be so compounding.
Hi Janice. I love your idea of letting your body and your mind have an ongoing conversation. Instead of your mind being mad at your body and your body telling your mind to quit being so bossy, they would in tandem.
As more and more 'chinks' have shown up in my armor, I've decided to start each day with 4 positive ideas: Be grateful, be loving (to others and to myself), be giving, and be joyful.
I used to start my thoughts with being joyful first - but then quickly realized that until I had a cup of tea I wasn't always that joyful lol! But I can always start my day with gratitude.
I walk every morning and use that time to enjoy nature and to let my mind say those 4 ideas - sometimes to myself, sometimes out loud. It really helps me keep everything that's going on in perspective.
Hi Heather, That sounds like a very positive way to start the day. I've been building a similar habit lately. After I wake up and before getting up I send love - including to myself, now, and review what I can be grateful for and joyful about - it does seem to set a better tone.
That sounds like a wonderful way to start your day!
I also do something else (you reminded me when you said ‘before getting up’) While lying on my back in bad I do just a few leg raises, ankle flexes, and bicycling and then I pull my knees up and let them drop to either side so my back gets a little stretch. I am finding that by doing this, I’m much steadier when I actually get out of bed. It’s an easy way to get in a little stretching without having to get down on the floor - I’m already flat lol!
I need to have more gratitude for the good days when my body and mind are doing amazing things. I need to not give into the depressive thoughts on the days when there is more of a struggle. I get so frustrated by the limitations that seem to surprise me!
A question we might want to consider: “What more we can do to honor our mind and body as we get older?
So much here resonates with me… my heart is smiling knowing that another solo elder is effectively navigating the challenges of aging alone:)
Hi Dahna, It's much more difficult than I thought, that's for sure.
"Experts say older adults can manage stress effectively by focusing on the present moment without judgment. " This is where my focus is, Janice. Every morning when I wake up I tell myself "This is my life now, and I can deal with it." I try not to compare it to my life before and whine. And I try not to think of how much worse the pain and infirmity will be in the future. No point! I just work with what I have TODAY. What I can do today? How I can measure success today? What one thing can I love today? How can I show kindness today? How can I accept help gracefully today?
Hi Sharron, Those are really wise words, "working with what we have today" and wonderful questions to be asking each morning - kind of setting the focus for the day. Thank you for sharing them.
ME IN A NUTSHELL
Ageing is a part of the experience of living. The mental gymnastics about the things we can no longer do and the reminders that our bodies are ageing, showing signs of wear becomes a focal point in our lives. Heck, I'm scheduled for a knee replacement in mid September. I'm going to become part of the bionic community. It's all a part of living from start to finish.
I wrote a book entitle "Making Sense of Growing Older" that addresses many of the questions we all find ourselves asking. I tried to leave the reader with an upbeat sense about this very strange part of life. (It's on Amazon.) ;-)
YES!
I love this format so much Janice! This is the kind of stuff we all want to know that no one talks about - how it's actually going? What is really happening on the inside. Thank you.
Hi Donna, That's the thing, what I was reading didn't match what I was experiencing. For a long time, I thought it was just me, but after writing these posts for a while, it was obvious, others were having the same feelings - they just weren't being talked about.
You are doing important work!
As we age we often feel the loss of physical abilities and it does bring sadness. As for your rash as we age our skin dries out so I hope you are able to moisturise and then seal in with oil. If rash persists worth seeing Dr to rule out infection or deficiency.
Hi Tracey, Thanks for the pointers. I've made several changes and the rash is definitely better, not gone, but very improved.
Hi Janice ~ What's frustrating to me is I know the answer to that question. I need to change my diet: less sugar, junk food, and Pepsi. I don't know why it's so hard to do that when it definitely makes me feel better. Stuck in my young, "you-can-eat-anything ways," I guess. I need to grow up. Ha!
Hi Jan,I grew up with sugar in my diet - so, my body is accustomed to a certain amount and even though I eat less if you include the sugar contained in bread, pasta, etc, which I can say no to, desserts are something else. So, it's still a part of my diet - to a lesser degree and yet more can be done.
It’s all very well to have ‘the experts’ and their views but YOU are the expert in you! And now it’s more power to you as your heart, mind and body come together in a state of grace, acceptance and peace. My view is too that until each of us is in the stage of life we are in there is no guidance..and to become our own expert is the way to go. Sending my love and best wishes to you! You are 11 years older than me and I think from what I read here are you are doing marvellously!
Hi Denyse, Thank you so much. I can't deny it is much more of a struggle, a challenge? - than I could ever have imagined.
Janice, you have articulated aging precisely . The anger, resentment , challenge of not comparing ourselves to others, mourning the losses. All of the previous comments resonate . Let us all just keep trying the best we are able, pushing just a little bit harder without injury , and remembering to thank our bodies for hanging in there so long . It is not easy .
Hi Karen, In the long run, - that is all we can do - our best given the circumstances in the moment.
Hi Janice. Just stopping by to say Hi. Thank you for sharing so honestly where you're at with your frustrations. You are probably doing better than you think. It's so hard when our body doesn't do what the mind wants. However, for me, this was the path to being so much more loving with myself. When I was having therapy for Long Covid, the therapist said, in terms of self love, that we can love that critical, frustrated part of ourselves; the part that is being mean to us! We don't have to make it go away, just love it as part of loving us. I found that helped me because you don't have to deny how you're feeling but there is something positive you can do about it.
You are probably doing better than you think. Lots of love ❤❤
Hi Cali, That seems like wise advice - loving the frustrated part of ourselves and understanding it's position - because those feelings are valid - there is loss, lives must be adjusted. Of course there is frustration when I think about it that way.
There's so much here that's helpful, but what I really liked is when you "asked the rash if it had a message" for you. We need to listen to our bodies more (I do, anyway). Thank you for this.
Hi, So do I and to remind myself how deeply my body and mind are connected.
Dearest, Janice. So much of what you have written resonated with me and while our linear, earth-school calendar, has me sitting a little bit behind you in age, much of what you have shared gives me more to contemplate. I wish I had a magic wand or could twitch my nose like a genie in a bottle, but those particular abilities are not part of this human suit.🤭 What I would share, based on my own experience, is that a daily practice of inspirational reading, talking out loud (somehow provides clarity), journalling (also provides clarity) and meditation (Insight Timer - https://insig.ht/rzQAyCRPw5b) have resulted in a significant shift in what might be described as “borderline depression”. I am now coming to year seven since my husband passed. I had absolutely no idea that the loss and grieving process would be what it has turned into and yet here I am. I’m sending along, what I have come to describe as, “loving heart and soul energy“ your way. I also agree that one of the greatest gifts we can practice, is to give ourselves same level of care, kindness, love and compassion that we are so ready to give to others. Thank you for continuing to share your story with all of us. It’s so good to know we are never really alone. 💕
Hi Marilyn, Thank you for your lovely response. That's a good way of describing it - borderline depression. I too had no idea that the loss of my husband would affect me so deeply and that adding the losses of aging would be so compounding.
Hi Janice. I love your idea of letting your body and your mind have an ongoing conversation. Instead of your mind being mad at your body and your body telling your mind to quit being so bossy, they would in tandem.
As more and more 'chinks' have shown up in my armor, I've decided to start each day with 4 positive ideas: Be grateful, be loving (to others and to myself), be giving, and be joyful.
I used to start my thoughts with being joyful first - but then quickly realized that until I had a cup of tea I wasn't always that joyful lol! But I can always start my day with gratitude.
I walk every morning and use that time to enjoy nature and to let my mind say those 4 ideas - sometimes to myself, sometimes out loud. It really helps me keep everything that's going on in perspective.
Hi Heather, That sounds like a very positive way to start the day. I've been building a similar habit lately. After I wake up and before getting up I send love - including to myself, now, and review what I can be grateful for and joyful about - it does seem to set a better tone.
That sounds like a wonderful way to start your day!
I also do something else (you reminded me when you said ‘before getting up’) While lying on my back in bad I do just a few leg raises, ankle flexes, and bicycling and then I pull my knees up and let them drop to either side so my back gets a little stretch. I am finding that by doing this, I’m much steadier when I actually get out of bed. It’s an easy way to get in a little stretching without having to get down on the floor - I’m already flat lol!
Hi Heather, Love it!
I need to have more gratitude for the good days when my body and mind are doing amazing things. I need to not give into the depressive thoughts on the days when there is more of a struggle. I get so frustrated by the limitations that seem to surprise me!
Hi Jeanie, I sure know what you mean regarding the frustration at limitations.