Many of us go through the pain of being a caregiver and a widow to a place of moving on. Given life’s circumstances, we have to grow and change over the years.
Hi Patti, It is true about the special bond. My daughter's older dog is a great example of that. He is definitely my little friend - still I wouldn't want the responsibility of caring for him.
Well, first of all, happy birthday! I'm a year older but with this many years gone by we could be twins! 😊 And congrats and thank you for saying out loud what so many widows are thinking but can't quite bring themselves to say.
I belong to a widows group on FB and I'm about to leave it because the anger and guilt in that group is palpable. Most of them refuse to move on, somehow believing it's disloyal or immoral or whatever. Since the one we love is never coming back, what else can we do but move on? As painful as that realization is--that they're not coming back--it's liberating, too. And healthy.
How wonderful that we can move on and take care of ourselves. I know my Ed would want me to do just that. And if I'd gone first, I would have wanted it for him. It's not easy, and we can't rush it, but I'm getting to that point where I'm thinking about my life ahead, where it's just me, and I want it be the best it can be.
The truth is, at 86 I don't have that many years ahead so I'm going to make them mine. And I'm not going to have a single hesitation about it. I can't go back, I don't want to stay dormant, I want what life ahead has to offer.
Hi Ramona, It amazes me, how similar our stories and thinking is. That is exactly why I didn't attend a widow's group - so many are stuck in their widowhood.
I guess we are at the fifth of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's stages of grief - acceptance. And it is liberating.
That's what is happening, I am thinking about my life and how I want to spend the rest of it - be who I am, make my choices, and say yes to life.
I love how you are moving forward and sharing details on how ypure making it so. I hadn't seen the stats on aging until this read... I'm 65, guess I'd better start thinking more seriously to thrive (not merely survive) until 82. Great read... and now I'm warming up more to getting a cat rather than a dog... at least for now.
Hi Patti, I think it's wise to think seriously about thriving as we age - well said. I have two rescue cats and have had cats for 60 years. My daughter has two dogs, and I am with them quite a bit. They are extraordinarily well-trained, loving dogs but it takes a lot of work socializing, walks, training, etc. The cats just seem like an easier route - for me.
Hi Janice, Exactly why I'm changing mind. I've been a cat owner all my life. Just thought it would be amazing to have a dog. I know there is a special bond between dog and owner... but after two tries and now realizing the work involved aging is about thriving, not stressing, sounds like an easier route for me too.
Janice, husband and self have just watched Living to 100 - the Blue Zones on Netlfix which was fascinating in terms of how to create quality of life and healthy longevity. Food for thought. You may find it interesting, if you haven't already seen it.
I’m doing grest would love to be able to chat with you when your not so busy -shoot me an email to hearkencounseling@gmail.com so we can exchange contact info -and catch up. ❤️
I enjoyed this article tonight, as I am a caregiver for a woman that is three years older than I am. I turn 76 in September and I want to live to be 103. And I plan on living to be 103 and independent. congratulations to you for turning 85, and I am sure that your independence will help you reach your age of 100. Here’s to us to reach our goals and be healthy when we do it. Have a great Thanksgiving. blessings
Hi Mary, Is there a special reason that your goal is to reach 103? I had arbitrarily picked age 113 for years - but kind of changed my mind - at least for the time being.
I have a very good friend that I don’t get to see much of because of distance. Her and I have the same beliefs, and we have so much fun together when we are together. And we both decided that 103 was a good age to go out. Now if Jesus comes back before then, that’s a different story,’and If God wants to keep me around longer, because he wants to use me in some capacity, then I’ll gladly take that too. But that is our starting age. Blessings.
Happy Birthday. You are amazing. How I hope one day I can learn to mellow and follow in your steps. You truly are the best and I look for your posts each week. Maybe you should start teaching a class. You could have plenty of students.
Well, I want to wish you a happy birthday. My mother turned 85 in August, and it gives me hope to see how healthy and active you both are. I was telling a new writing friend (and fellow Substacker) today about what an inspiration you are and how courageous you have been to share the experience of losing Dan and finding your way again.
Hi Kristi, Thank you so much. 85 and health can be done. Writing has been the key. through all of it - sometimes I gain insights as I write. It has been so healing - as have been the words and encouragement of many substack friends. That has been a surprise to me - and a wonderful blessing.
Many of us go through the pain of being a caregiver and a widow to a place of moving on. Given life’s circumstances, we have to grow and change over the years.
Every piece you write, Janice, shows your strength and resolve coming into its own. Your "evolution" gives us all inspiration. Thank you
Wishing you blessings in this new chapter of your life.
Happy birthday 🎉🎉🎂
Hi Patti, It is true about the special bond. My daughter's older dog is a great example of that. He is definitely my little friend - still I wouldn't want the responsibility of caring for him.
Well, first of all, happy birthday! I'm a year older but with this many years gone by we could be twins! 😊 And congrats and thank you for saying out loud what so many widows are thinking but can't quite bring themselves to say.
I belong to a widows group on FB and I'm about to leave it because the anger and guilt in that group is palpable. Most of them refuse to move on, somehow believing it's disloyal or immoral or whatever. Since the one we love is never coming back, what else can we do but move on? As painful as that realization is--that they're not coming back--it's liberating, too. And healthy.
How wonderful that we can move on and take care of ourselves. I know my Ed would want me to do just that. And if I'd gone first, I would have wanted it for him. It's not easy, and we can't rush it, but I'm getting to that point where I'm thinking about my life ahead, where it's just me, and I want it be the best it can be.
The truth is, at 86 I don't have that many years ahead so I'm going to make them mine. And I'm not going to have a single hesitation about it. I can't go back, I don't want to stay dormant, I want what life ahead has to offer.
Hi Ramona, It amazes me, how similar our stories and thinking is. That is exactly why I didn't attend a widow's group - so many are stuck in their widowhood.
I guess we are at the fifth of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's stages of grief - acceptance. And it is liberating.
That's what is happening, I am thinking about my life and how I want to spend the rest of it - be who I am, make my choices, and say yes to life.
Janice, you're setting a great example for us all.
I love how you are moving forward and sharing details on how ypure making it so. I hadn't seen the stats on aging until this read... I'm 65, guess I'd better start thinking more seriously to thrive (not merely survive) until 82. Great read... and now I'm warming up more to getting a cat rather than a dog... at least for now.
Hi Patti, I think it's wise to think seriously about thriving as we age - well said. I have two rescue cats and have had cats for 60 years. My daughter has two dogs, and I am with them quite a bit. They are extraordinarily well-trained, loving dogs but it takes a lot of work socializing, walks, training, etc. The cats just seem like an easier route - for me.
Hi Janice, Exactly why I'm changing mind. I've been a cat owner all my life. Just thought it would be amazing to have a dog. I know there is a special bond between dog and owner... but after two tries and now realizing the work involved aging is about thriving, not stressing, sounds like an easier route for me too.
Janice, husband and self have just watched Living to 100 - the Blue Zones on Netlfix which was fascinating in terms of how to create quality of life and healthy longevity. Food for thought. You may find it interesting, if you haven't already seen it.
Hi Prue, No, I don't know of that and I will check it out thanks so much.
Ms. Walton:
My deepest condolences about your husband’s passing.
😢
Hi Christine, Thanks so much. How are you doing?
I’m doing grest would love to be able to chat with you when your not so busy -shoot me an email to hearkencounseling@gmail.com so we can exchange contact info -and catch up. ❤️
I enjoyed this article tonight, as I am a caregiver for a woman that is three years older than I am. I turn 76 in September and I want to live to be 103. And I plan on living to be 103 and independent. congratulations to you for turning 85, and I am sure that your independence will help you reach your age of 100. Here’s to us to reach our goals and be healthy when we do it. Have a great Thanksgiving. blessings
Hi Mary, Is there a special reason that your goal is to reach 103? I had arbitrarily picked age 113 for years - but kind of changed my mind - at least for the time being.
I have a very good friend that I don’t get to see much of because of distance. Her and I have the same beliefs, and we have so much fun together when we are together. And we both decided that 103 was a good age to go out. Now if Jesus comes back before then, that’s a different story,’and If God wants to keep me around longer, because he wants to use me in some capacity, then I’ll gladly take that too. But that is our starting age. Blessings.
That makes perfect sense. Thanks for sharing.
Happy Birthday! I was sorry to hear about Dan. You continue to inspire me.
Hi Steve, Thank you so much.
Happy Birthday. You are amazing. How I hope one day I can learn to mellow and follow in your steps. You truly are the best and I look for your posts each week. Maybe you should start teaching a class. You could have plenty of students.
Hi Susan, Thank you so much. I do have the option with substack to have a class - maybe I should check into it.
Well, I want to wish you a happy birthday. My mother turned 85 in August, and it gives me hope to see how healthy and active you both are. I was telling a new writing friend (and fellow Substacker) today about what an inspiration you are and how courageous you have been to share the experience of losing Dan and finding your way again.
Hi Kristi, Thank you so much. 85 and health can be done. Writing has been the key. through all of it - sometimes I gain insights as I write. It has been so healing - as have been the words and encouragement of many substack friends. That has been a surprise to me - and a wonderful blessing.
Happy 85th birthday, Janice. I really get a lot out of your posts. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hi Rocco, Thank you so much.