Healing After Loss
Navigating the Changes
August 5th was the fourth anniversary of my new life. I wanted to say I was well on the road - and in some ways, it’s true, and in others, not so much. That was a “not-so-much” day.
The Verywell Mind website talks about acceptance and says
Acceptance doesn’t mean that you feel happy about the loss. Indeed, in this stage, there is finally an acceptance of the pain and loss you experienced, and you start to look forward to and plan for the future.
This stage is about accepting the fact that there is a new reality that cannot be changed and figuring out how this new reality impacts your life, relationships, and path.
OK, but then why, even though I accept that Dan isn’t here, follow the tips I read, hold him in my heart, and work toward building this new life for myself, does the loss remain deep and constant?
What was I missing?
A quote from the Vitas Healthcare site explained my feelings better than I can.
Embracing the painful reality does not happen quickly or easily; it can be exhausting. When the loss finally sinks in, it can be surrounded by profound sadness, doubts about ever feeling okay again, and difficulty imagining life without the loved one who has passed away.
The InnerFokus website offers 10 Important Steps in Recovering from Grief and Loss. Three reminders from that article stood out for me.
There are no time limits on how long one “should” grieve.
Grief comes in waves and hides in pockets.
Creating an outward expression of what you are feeling inside can be healing.
I don’t see myself feeling OK or looking towards the future as I did. But then, maybe it isn’t reasonable to think that when you’ve known someone for 70 years and lived with him for over 60, never seeing him again would be an easy change.
So, my healing process remains in progress—some days are better than others. It’s taking longer than planned and requires additional work to navigate the changes, but it’s also necessary.
This week, I read a special article. It mirrored my feelings so closely that I wanted to share The Heaviness of August with you.
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The healing process remains in progress—some days are better than others. It’s taking longer than planned and requires additional work to navigate the changes, but it’s also necessary.
I have not had the very same loss as you, but I have experienced profound loss at several different times in my 71 yrs. Most recent was last November. My best friend came over just to sit with me for as long as I needed the day. Day turned to night and the loss I was feeling was just deeply deeply painful. I then reached out to my priest and we talked and she reminded me that “where there is deep love , there is deep grief.”
Grief left me feeling disoriented, depressed but could function and Spacey in my thinking. The disorienting part was what disturbed me most.. I am getting stronger mentally and continue to try everyday to find Gratitude 🙏 I think we have to learn how to adapt, reboot and just keep trying. I’m single and no family left. I have some longtime friends and work part time on a horse farm. I will keep reading you and wish you well and above of peace.