The healing process remains in progress—some days are better than others. It’s taking longer than planned and requires additional work to navigate the changes, but it’s also necessary.
I have not had the very same loss as you, but I have experienced profound loss at several different times in my 71 yrs. Most recent was last November. My best friend came over just to sit with me for as long as I needed the day. Day turned to night and the loss I was feeling was just deeply deeply painful. I then reached out to my priest and we talked and she reminded me that “where there is deep love , there is deep grief.”
Grief left me feeling disoriented, depressed but could function and Spacey in my thinking. The disorienting part was what disturbed me most.. I am getting stronger mentally and continue to try everyday to find Gratitude 🙏 I think we have to learn how to adapt, reboot and just keep trying. I’m single and no family left. I have some longtime friends and work part time on a horse farm. I will keep reading you and wish you well and above of peace.
Hi Kathy, I hold on to that thought - deep grief equals deep love - says a lot. I wish you well and peace, too. Do you find the horse farm a healing place to be?
Yes Janice very much find my work in nature and with animals very healing. I tell people it’s what saved me long ago really. My mother was abusive verbally and some physically, she had her own suffering and never really recovered from having polio just two years after getting married at 22. I knew it had little to do with me but as a small child didn’t understand really. I just found staying outside I was safe and I loved exploring with the dog. I only worked indoors 1 yr in my whole life, I felt almost imprisoned. It took me to 25yrs old to get into landscaping and that led to working on a horse farm as a groundskeeper and learning and working with horses. It was never about the money I wanted to do what spoke to my soul. I feel I have been blessed to enjoy my work and have learned a multitude of different skills and at 71 still in good health to still be able to earn some money, plus feel like I have a purpose among beautiful nature.
"Inner Fokus" has a good list, thanks for sharing. Numbers 7 through 10 are worth investing time in doing, and more ways of attending to healing. That there is no timetable is hard for some people to understand, accept and respect, both the one suffering and one wanting to help.
"Grief comes in waves and hides in pockets" -- thank you for sharing that quote and your experiences. Last week was the first anniversary of my mom's passing, and this really resonates. I found plenty of pockets of grief.
Hi Sarah, That was a good reminder for me as well. It's interesting how they pop up.
The other day I was doing my online Spanish lesson. The words I was learning were about first kiss and boyfriends for some reason. Dan was my first boyfriend and he gave me my first kiss. It was an unexpected, sweet, and sad memory.
I relate to that idea of a sweet and sad memory, Janice ... so many these days. When it comes to these memories, sweet and sad aren't two sides of the same coin -- they are checkerboarded together, tears and laughter, regret and peace.
The healing process remains in progress—some days are better than others. It’s taking longer than planned and requires additional work to navigate the changes, but it’s also necessary.
I have not had the very same loss as you, but I have experienced profound loss at several different times in my 71 yrs. Most recent was last November. My best friend came over just to sit with me for as long as I needed the day. Day turned to night and the loss I was feeling was just deeply deeply painful. I then reached out to my priest and we talked and she reminded me that “where there is deep love , there is deep grief.”
Grief left me feeling disoriented, depressed but could function and Spacey in my thinking. The disorienting part was what disturbed me most.. I am getting stronger mentally and continue to try everyday to find Gratitude 🙏 I think we have to learn how to adapt, reboot and just keep trying. I’m single and no family left. I have some longtime friends and work part time on a horse farm. I will keep reading you and wish you well and above of peace.
Hi Kathy, I hold on to that thought - deep grief equals deep love - says a lot. I wish you well and peace, too. Do you find the horse farm a healing place to be?
Yes Janice very much find my work in nature and with animals very healing. I tell people it’s what saved me long ago really. My mother was abusive verbally and some physically, she had her own suffering and never really recovered from having polio just two years after getting married at 22. I knew it had little to do with me but as a small child didn’t understand really. I just found staying outside I was safe and I loved exploring with the dog. I only worked indoors 1 yr in my whole life, I felt almost imprisoned. It took me to 25yrs old to get into landscaping and that led to working on a horse farm as a groundskeeper and learning and working with horses. It was never about the money I wanted to do what spoke to my soul. I feel I have been blessed to enjoy my work and have learned a multitude of different skills and at 71 still in good health to still be able to earn some money, plus feel like I have a purpose among beautiful nature.
"There are no time limits on how long one should grieve." Oh Janice, how I wish there were. Thank you
Hi Sharron, I'm with you. Yet, if as they say, the depth of our grieving is equated to the depth of our love - then that says something very special.
"Inner Fokus" has a good list, thanks for sharing. Numbers 7 through 10 are worth investing time in doing, and more ways of attending to healing. That there is no timetable is hard for some people to understand, accept and respect, both the one suffering and one wanting to help.
Hi Gary, Your point is well take regarding the timetable. It and the one about waves and hides in pockets are the two that stood out for me.
"Grief comes in waves and hides in pockets" -- thank you for sharing that quote and your experiences. Last week was the first anniversary of my mom's passing, and this really resonates. I found plenty of pockets of grief.
Hi Sarah, That was a good reminder for me as well. It's interesting how they pop up.
The other day I was doing my online Spanish lesson. The words I was learning were about first kiss and boyfriends for some reason. Dan was my first boyfriend and he gave me my first kiss. It was an unexpected, sweet, and sad memory.
I relate to that idea of a sweet and sad memory, Janice ... so many these days. When it comes to these memories, sweet and sad aren't two sides of the same coin -- they are checkerboarded together, tears and laughter, regret and peace.
Take good care.
Hi Sarah, How very true - in so many ways!
Thanks for the great visual descriptor- ideas, memories, emotions “checkerboarded together”, @Sarah Coomber.