The Stress We Create Without Realizing It
Greater Awareness Can Help Us Respond Differently
After my husband died, the need to do things perfectly increased dramatically, and my expectations of what I planned to manage were overwhelming - basically, my goal was to continue what we were doing by myself - a goal that was unrealistic and led to a great deal of negative self-talk. My body was also naturally aging, and the changes were noticeable, which added to the pressure I put on myself.
Experts say that self-induced stress occurs when internal factors like perfectionism, worry, and unrealistic expectations, lead to mental and physical strain - that’s in addition to the external stressors that regularly occur.
Self-imposed stress is often caused by how we interpret situations, and frequently results in anxiety, fatigue, and chronic health issues like high blood pressure. Conversely, chronic health issues and high blood pressure can cause mental and emotional stress.
Such pressure can be exacerbated by inadequate sleep, poor diet, and procrastination, which tend to increase our emotional reactivity.
What I’m finding:
Today, my exercise routine is modified. I used to run 5K races and climb hills. Now I walk daily on flat ground - 3.5 miles last weekend, though, with ease - and climb stairs.
My goal is to eat healthy meals and drink plenty of water, but we know how our best-laid plans can go astray.
Night sweats disrupt a good night’s sleep, as do trips to the bathroom, worry, and a cat who wants to snuggle incredibly close - all night.
I don’t procrastinate as much because I’ve found that getting bothersome tasks out of the way relieves anxiety.
Experts say that proactive habits for managing self-induced stress include mindfulness meditation, journaling, and setting healthy boundaries, such as limiting screen time and saying "no" to nonessential tasks. Other effective habits include prioritizing tasks to avoid feeling overwhelmed, fostering social connections, and practicing gratitude daily to shift focus away from stressors.
What I’m finding:
I journal, practice Qigong (which includes mindfulness, exercise, and breathing), and walk.
I listen to the news less and participate minimally on social media; instead, I watch YouTube landscape and music videos - oh and baseball games in season.
I’m eternally grateful for what I have and for everyone who supports me.
At times, I’m overwhelmed by the demands of managing life by myself.
Experts say that reducing self-induced stress involves managing expectations, reframing negative thoughts, and setting healthy boundaries. Key strategies include practicing self-compassion, learning to say "no" to avoid overload, prioritizing tasks, and limiting social media.
What I’m finding:
Increased stomach distress and headaches seem to indicate that my health is being affected - and I’m not doing enough to manage it.
There are improvements - some self-compassion, saying no a bit more, and focusing on being my coach rather than my critic - yet, there is room for continued improvement.
My stress seems to boil down to three factors: an unrealistic need to do things perfectly, worry about everything, and negative self-talk. If I want to experience overall well-being and happiness at my age, I’d be smart to keep on finding more powerful management tools.
My next steps include:
Increased self-compassion - reminding myself of what I’ve accomplished during the last ten years.
I’d say stop the negative self-talk, but that’s unrealistic; maybe a better option is using positive self-talk more often. Not trying to change the old habit, but creating a strong new one.
I’ve read about energy being the new currency, so I’m choosing to spend mine wisely.
Honoring the worries, doing what I can about them, and letting them go as the Serenity Prayer suggests.
My question for you is this: How much do you stress yourself?
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Dr. Janice Walton is a psychologist, widow, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and writer. She has written articles for Substack for the past five years and recently published a book, The Insider’s Guide to Aging Well Through the Eyes of an 87-year-old.
How much we stress ourselves is a question worth pondering.
This is a thoughtful and honest reflection, Janice.
One thing that has helped me is keeping straight the difference between possibility and probability. So much stress comes from what I call our Automatic Brain treating what *could* happen as if it is likely, imminent, and dangerous.
That does not mean the stress is fake. The body can respond very real to a perceived threat. But I find that when I pause and ask, “Is this truly probable, or merely possible?” I can usually lower the alarm enough to respond rather than react.
I also appreciate your point about becoming your coach rather than your critic. That may be one of the hardest habits to build, but also one of the most important.