I sure am enjoying your new book, Janice. I hope others will consider it. It will make great gifts for my family members - so many of us are now over 70.... ( How did THAT happen? )
This is a thoughtful and honest reflection, Janice.
One thing that has helped me is keeping straight the difference between possibility and probability. So much stress comes from what I call our Automatic Brain treating what *could* happen as if it is likely, imminent, and dangerous.
That does not mean the stress is fake. The body can respond very real to a perceived threat. But I find that when I pause and ask, “Is this truly probable, or merely possible?” I can usually lower the alarm enough to respond rather than react.
I also appreciate your point about becoming your coach rather than your critic. That may be one of the hardest habits to build, but also one of the most important.
Hi Charles, I read somewhere about negativity bias - the notion that humans can do something 90% perfect and dwell on the 10% they didn't. Our brains tend to naturally flag mistakes to keep us safe, but this can lead to perfectionism and burnout.
That 90/10 example is a helpful way to look at it, Janice.
In my observation, and in much of what I write about, the Automatic Brain (as I call it) tends to scan for threat, vulnerability, and what could go wrong. The problem is that a mistake, an imperfection, or a small uncertainty can begin to feel like danger.
That is where perfectionism can become so exhausting. We are not just trying to do something well. We are trying to feel safe.
And when the 10% gets treated as the threat, it can easily overshadow the 90% we actually did well.
Perfect timing!!! I just had a major self-realization. Some of the symptoms I was ascribing to my new heart meds are really coming from self-induced stress. When the cardiologist said some of the things I was describing sounded more like anxiety to her, I was shocked -- because I always claim I'm NOT stressed. But I have to admit I had blown my "heart condition" into life or death when it really isn't. With a little deep breathing and daily meditation I'm feeling so much better. Great article, Janice. Thanks for reconfirming my recent discovery. xoxo
Hi Jan, Anxiety is a tricky little guy and so often adds to the problem, both deep breathing and daily meditation are very solid management practicing. Just reminding myself, it's only my anxiety sometimes quiets it, too.
Sadly I realize the stress I create as it is overwhelming at time. I have always been prone to worry (my nature?) and now I worry about almost everything far too much of the time. I do have more things to worry about though even though most are out of my control and the probability % vary. I do appreciate you writing about this and I do need to find ways to deal with this as I know it is not healthy for me or my spouse who has to live with me.
Hi Heather, You can find many sites on YouTube and Google. The one I like - as a place to start is: https://ksenygray.com/. QiGong combines gentle exercise, mindfulness, and breathing to increase energy flow in the body.
I was hooked on Trump and his corrupt administration after he became President in the second term. I felt so much compassion for the immigrants and their mis treatment and I noticed I was wasting so much time watching youtube and negelecting my writing chores. I've learned to cut out most of that bad habit and make a conscious effort to watch videos that show rain and then some videos that show people living and struggling a hard life style. But still, I have to watch the amount of time I let my self get sucked in, because it's wasting precious time. I can relate to everything you've written in this post. Thank you for writing this. So, yes I do stress myself needlessly sometimes.
Hi Carol. I , too, tend to stress myself needlessly - "All the what-if's" seem to get in the way. They can be a protective device, but they can also get out of hand.
I take great comfort in this! Thank you especially for the reminders that it's okay to set boundaries and that perfectionism is not helpful or necessary.
How much we stress ourselves is a question worth pondering.
I sure am enjoying your new book, Janice. I hope others will consider it. It will make great gifts for my family members - so many of us are now over 70.... ( How did THAT happen? )
I offer this:
https://martysimon.substack.com/p/we-dont-have-to-live-with-stress?r=9c3gj
That post rang true for me Janice and also gave me some new things to think about x
Thank you! Wise advice.
This is a thoughtful and honest reflection, Janice.
One thing that has helped me is keeping straight the difference between possibility and probability. So much stress comes from what I call our Automatic Brain treating what *could* happen as if it is likely, imminent, and dangerous.
That does not mean the stress is fake. The body can respond very real to a perceived threat. But I find that when I pause and ask, “Is this truly probable, or merely possible?” I can usually lower the alarm enough to respond rather than react.
I also appreciate your point about becoming your coach rather than your critic. That may be one of the hardest habits to build, but also one of the most important.
Hi Charles, I read somewhere about negativity bias - the notion that humans can do something 90% perfect and dwell on the 10% they didn't. Our brains tend to naturally flag mistakes to keep us safe, but this can lead to perfectionism and burnout.
That 90/10 example is a helpful way to look at it, Janice.
In my observation, and in much of what I write about, the Automatic Brain (as I call it) tends to scan for threat, vulnerability, and what could go wrong. The problem is that a mistake, an imperfection, or a small uncertainty can begin to feel like danger.
That is where perfectionism can become so exhausting. We are not just trying to do something well. We are trying to feel safe.
And when the 10% gets treated as the threat, it can easily overshadow the 90% we actually did well.
Thank you for your thoughtful work here.
Hi Charles, You make a good point - often our efforts and our anxiety is really a protective device but not necessarily realized as such.
Perfect timing!!! I just had a major self-realization. Some of the symptoms I was ascribing to my new heart meds are really coming from self-induced stress. When the cardiologist said some of the things I was describing sounded more like anxiety to her, I was shocked -- because I always claim I'm NOT stressed. But I have to admit I had blown my "heart condition" into life or death when it really isn't. With a little deep breathing and daily meditation I'm feeling so much better. Great article, Janice. Thanks for reconfirming my recent discovery. xoxo
Hi Jan, Anxiety is a tricky little guy and so often adds to the problem, both deep breathing and daily meditation are very solid management practicing. Just reminding myself, it's only my anxiety sometimes quiets it, too.
Yes. I’m trying really hard. Oh, I mean b.r.e.a.t.h. 😂
Thank you so much for this newsletter Janice. My husband died last month and I am finding your insights and ideas comforting at this difficult time.
Hi Ally, My heart goes out to you - my husband's death was the most difficult event, I've ever experienced. It is just life changing in so many ways.
Sadly I realize the stress I create as it is overwhelming at time. I have always been prone to worry (my nature?) and now I worry about almost everything far too much of the time. I do have more things to worry about though even though most are out of my control and the probability % vary. I do appreciate you writing about this and I do need to find ways to deal with this as I know it is not healthy for me or my spouse who has to live with me.
Hi, I'm finding that I unfortunately have been my biggest stress agent with all the worries.
I'm going to check out Qigong. I had never heard of it.
Hi Heather, You can find many sites on YouTube and Google. The one I like - as a place to start is: https://ksenygray.com/. QiGong combines gentle exercise, mindfulness, and breathing to increase energy flow in the body.
Thank you. I will check it out.
Thank you for this if there was any day I needed it it was today. Your article was truly like a godsend to me and I’m very grateful to you.
Hi, I'm so glad to hear that the article helped in some way.
Hi Janice,
I was hooked on Trump and his corrupt administration after he became President in the second term. I felt so much compassion for the immigrants and their mis treatment and I noticed I was wasting so much time watching youtube and negelecting my writing chores. I've learned to cut out most of that bad habit and make a conscious effort to watch videos that show rain and then some videos that show people living and struggling a hard life style. But still, I have to watch the amount of time I let my self get sucked in, because it's wasting precious time. I can relate to everything you've written in this post. Thank you for writing this. So, yes I do stress myself needlessly sometimes.
Hi Carol. I , too, tend to stress myself needlessly - "All the what-if's" seem to get in the way. They can be a protective device, but they can also get out of hand.
I take great comfort in this! Thank you especially for the reminders that it's okay to set boundaries and that perfectionism is not helpful or necessary.
Hi Mimi, I'm still working on setting boundaries - saying yes has been a difficult habit for me to break.