Three Years - A Widow
It Doesn't Seem Possible
On January 22, 2021, a Hospice worker called me at 3:15 in the morning to tell me that Dan was dying. I talked to him for a few moments and said goodbye. Fifteen minutes later, the Hospice worker called again. Dan had died. He was in a memory care facility that was on lockdown because of the pandemic, and I was not physically with him.
On one hand, I was relieved because I knew he wouldn’t want to live, given the dementia and complications from COVID that were ravaging his mind and body. On the other hand, I was numb; my partner and friend - my love of 65 years - was no longer here.
My parents and my brother died years ago - I was sad and missed them, but I was not prepared for the depth of the loss after Dan died. Everything changed: my identity, my role, my habits, my life purpose, and my dreams.
Life has gone on, I’ve adjusted, and many good things have happened since then - trips that I would never taken, a new hobby - art, and a new “job” writing this newsletter. I appreciate the life I now have very much.
I’m certainly not the same person I was three years ago. I’ve proven that, for the most part, I can take care of myself, which is good. I have a plan and goals for the future.
Be that as it may, there remains a constant sadness in me that I don’t think will ever go away. My life is unequivocally changed - and it wasn’t a change I wanted or planned for. I miss him more than I could have imagined.
I wrote the article Walk in the Woods about a year ago and wanted to share it again.
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