I thin standing up to children can be difficult. That hasn’t been the case for me, but for some of my friends, their children want to go to accountants with them and generally supervise their financial life. This is usually driven by fear because they are afraid that if they don’t agree with their children or withdraw their support.
Hi Eva, I, fortunately don't have that problem either. I have a financial planner, who both of my children have met, but I said no to their options, and decided to stay with her. They aren't involved in any decisions. However, I know it can be an issue.
This happens all the time to older people, especially women. I don’t know a single woman who has not been interrupted by a man— in a social setting or on the job. The older you get the more it happens. While it is hard to do, it works to interrupt the interrupter and say “excuse me, I was still talking.”
That usually shocks the interrupter enough to get a word in edgewise!
Being the oldest of 5, my father didn't like the noise of children and we were frequently scolded for being ourselves. That didn't feel so good. On the other hand, we were not micromanaged and as a result it cultivated curiosity and independence. I like those qualities in myself. I was gifted with quick verbal skills that helped me navigate through the troubled waters of dealing with authority figures. I also know how to listen. So what I am saying is that I don't often experience not being heard.
Heard by whom? It seems that if more of 'us' were members of the group to whom we are addressing, then we might be heard. But, we are lone soldiers in armies of generations made up of letters and busy on their phones. Look around, we are not present in a crowd. We are the outskirts.
Hi Marcia, Your post describes the issue well. It's part of my frustration - being on the outskirts. The values and beliefs I grew up with, no longer have meaning for today's generation, it seems.
I am not yet so advanced in age (59) but things are getting worse for me on the mental side.
There's a pestering entry in my email which keeps popping up which represents itself as Netflix, trying for me to update information or saying that my auto debit payment didn't pull through. Usually I don't mind it because I thought that my payment went through just days ago so why would I update my info.
But this time, the impostors won. Up to the point that I gave an OTP and that was it. Funds were transferred and it even repeatedly asked for more OTPs but I already realized it by then and I stopped my stupidity.
It was as if I was in blackout mode and was hypnotized. I knew all along that giving out OTPs is dangerous but I still keep on doing it.
At this point, I am afraid on what my mind can do wherein it can harm me badly and eventually also hurt the people I love.
Hi, Thank you for sharing your story. I've gotten caught a couple of times and I too knew better. Those imposters can be really sneaky. When I got tripped up - they connected to something I knew about - like a package that was coming or an account I used to have. It's very frustrating.
Yes that's right! They connect it to something that makes you go on alert mode or panicky. They prey on us psychologically. And we people in our advanced ages can really be prey to their ruthless objectives.
It’s a slog to be heard, but I do it no matter what. I’m not dead yet. If I meet resistance I call it out for what it is. No problem when we lived in Philadelphia but where we live now it’s just fighting what they usually do versus what was done automatically in Philadelphia. Also people have not much of a sense of humor which does not help.
Right now I have no issues with agency at all. I’ve been single and independent most of my life, so I readily know how to speak up for myself. But I think this is a very important topic. I suspect many older adults are treated in a dismissive way. I love this message and the fact you have created a supportive community.
Hi Kathryn, I think many older adults are treated dismissively or feel as if they are. I was married for 60 some years before my husband died - he took care of things. So agency is somewhat of a foreign concept to me and I'm working on it.
Good for you — thinking about it, working on it, sharing the topic, and seeking support for yourself and others. I think our community here on Substack is wonderful. I’d like for us to be able to reach many many more.
How comfortable are you in standing up for yourself even though others may disagree?
I thin standing up to children can be difficult. That hasn’t been the case for me, but for some of my friends, their children want to go to accountants with them and generally supervise their financial life. This is usually driven by fear because they are afraid that if they don’t agree with their children or withdraw their support.
Hi Eva, I, fortunately don't have that problem either. I have a financial planner, who both of my children have met, but I said no to their options, and decided to stay with her. They aren't involved in any decisions. However, I know it can be an issue.
This happens all the time to older people, especially women. I don’t know a single woman who has not been interrupted by a man— in a social setting or on the job. The older you get the more it happens. While it is hard to do, it works to interrupt the interrupter and say “excuse me, I was still talking.”
That usually shocks the interrupter enough to get a word in edgewise!
Being the oldest of 5, my father didn't like the noise of children and we were frequently scolded for being ourselves. That didn't feel so good. On the other hand, we were not micromanaged and as a result it cultivated curiosity and independence. I like those qualities in myself. I was gifted with quick verbal skills that helped me navigate through the troubled waters of dealing with authority figures. I also know how to listen. So what I am saying is that I don't often experience not being heard.
Heard by whom? It seems that if more of 'us' were members of the group to whom we are addressing, then we might be heard. But, we are lone soldiers in armies of generations made up of letters and busy on their phones. Look around, we are not present in a crowd. We are the outskirts.
Hi Marcia, Your post describes the issue well. It's part of my frustration - being on the outskirts. The values and beliefs I grew up with, no longer have meaning for today's generation, it seems.
I am not yet so advanced in age (59) but things are getting worse for me on the mental side.
There's a pestering entry in my email which keeps popping up which represents itself as Netflix, trying for me to update information or saying that my auto debit payment didn't pull through. Usually I don't mind it because I thought that my payment went through just days ago so why would I update my info.
But this time, the impostors won. Up to the point that I gave an OTP and that was it. Funds were transferred and it even repeatedly asked for more OTPs but I already realized it by then and I stopped my stupidity.
It was as if I was in blackout mode and was hypnotized. I knew all along that giving out OTPs is dangerous but I still keep on doing it.
At this point, I am afraid on what my mind can do wherein it can harm me badly and eventually also hurt the people I love.
Hi, Thank you for sharing your story. I've gotten caught a couple of times and I too knew better. Those imposters can be really sneaky. When I got tripped up - they connected to something I knew about - like a package that was coming or an account I used to have. It's very frustrating.
Yes that's right! They connect it to something that makes you go on alert mode or panicky. They prey on us psychologically. And we people in our advanced ages can really be prey to their ruthless objectives.
It’s a slog to be heard, but I do it no matter what. I’m not dead yet. If I meet resistance I call it out for what it is. No problem when we lived in Philadelphia but where we live now it’s just fighting what they usually do versus what was done automatically in Philadelphia. Also people have not much of a sense of humor which does not help.
Hi Phyllis, Good for you!
It’s taken me a long while to get to this point. Favorites saying is “don’t care,”second fave “so what?” Keep up good work Janet
Right now I have no issues with agency at all. I’ve been single and independent most of my life, so I readily know how to speak up for myself. But I think this is a very important topic. I suspect many older adults are treated in a dismissive way. I love this message and the fact you have created a supportive community.
Hi Kathryn, I think many older adults are treated dismissively or feel as if they are. I was married for 60 some years before my husband died - he took care of things. So agency is somewhat of a foreign concept to me and I'm working on it.
Good for you — thinking about it, working on it, sharing the topic, and seeking support for yourself and others. I think our community here on Substack is wonderful. I’d like for us to be able to reach many many more.