Whether we become caregivers gradually or suddenly, willingly or by default, many emotions surface; some happen immediately, and others don’t surface for a while. Whatever the situation, our feelings are valid and essential, and caring for a loved one takes enormous physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional energy.
I remembers so well, the guilt and helplessness, the feeling of being inadequate and unskilled. I still carry traces of remorse, even seven years after losing her. You posts help a lot, Janice.
That’s exactly how I feel. All three of my loved ones troubles came very quickly. Each day I wrestle with emotional thoughts of being inadequate. I do breath work to calm down. Then I remember my parents weren’t going to “get well” and because our emotional communication was very limited, I know in my mind I did everything I could to make them comfortable and not alone. Knowing in my heart is catching up.
Hi, Isn't that the truth. Intellectually we know we did everything we could at the time, knowing in our heart -wanting to have done more -takes some catching up.
When I was a school guidance counselor, I hung a poster of emotion emojis on the wall. It helped so many kids identify how they felt. That always amazed me. I will remember your advice if I ever need it. Thanks so much, Janice. Wonderful article as always. ~ Jan xoxo PS I am having commenting on your blogs each week without signing in, etc. Just know I am always reading them.
Oh goodness. Emotions are the driver of caregiving. We have to (so many times) make decisions and leave the emotions in the attic. I'm not sure how I survived both my mother's and my own while taking care of her. I think after she was gone I remained numb for months, maybe for the first few years. I try not to go back and live in regrets. We do the best we can with what we have at the time. Great article. I wish that list of emotions have been available when I was taking care of my mother. I wonder what she would have thought,
Whether we become caregivers gradually or suddenly, willingly or by default, many emotions surface; some happen immediately, and others don’t surface for a while. Whatever the situation, our feelings are valid and essential, and caring for a loved one takes enormous physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional energy.
I remembers so well, the guilt and helplessness, the feeling of being inadequate and unskilled. I still carry traces of remorse, even seven years after losing her. You posts help a lot, Janice.
Logically I've come to terms with the fact that I did the best I could at the time, but my heart aches for what I wished I could have done.
Yes, and we will have to live with that. It gets easier.
Yes.
That’s exactly how I feel. All three of my loved ones troubles came very quickly. Each day I wrestle with emotional thoughts of being inadequate. I do breath work to calm down. Then I remember my parents weren’t going to “get well” and because our emotional communication was very limited, I know in my mind I did everything I could to make them comfortable and not alone. Knowing in my heart is catching up.
Hi, Isn't that the truth. Intellectually we know we did everything we could at the time, knowing in our heart -wanting to have done more -takes some catching up.
Thank you for replying Janice. A little validation goes a long way 🙂
When I was a school guidance counselor, I hung a poster of emotion emojis on the wall. It helped so many kids identify how they felt. That always amazed me. I will remember your advice if I ever need it. Thanks so much, Janice. Wonderful article as always. ~ Jan xoxo PS I am having commenting on your blogs each week without signing in, etc. Just know I am always reading them.
Ah, Jan, Thank you so much - and for reading them.
Oh goodness. Emotions are the driver of caregiving. We have to (so many times) make decisions and leave the emotions in the attic. I'm not sure how I survived both my mother's and my own while taking care of her. I think after she was gone I remained numb for months, maybe for the first few years. I try not to go back and live in regrets. We do the best we can with what we have at the time. Great article. I wish that list of emotions have been available when I was taking care of my mother. I wonder what she would have thought,
Hi Patti, That is what I have come to - we did the best we could with what we had at the time.
Amen.