13 Comments

Whether we become caregivers gradually or suddenly, willingly or by default, many emotions surface; some happen immediately, and others don’t surface for a while. Whatever the situation, our feelings are valid and essential, and caring for a loved one takes enormous physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional energy.

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I remembers so well, the guilt and helplessness, the feeling of being inadequate and unskilled. I still carry traces of remorse, even seven years after losing her. You posts help a lot, Janice.

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Logically I've come to terms with the fact that I did the best I could at the time, but my heart aches for what I wished I could have done.

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Yes, and we will have to live with that. It gets easier.

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Yes.

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That’s exactly how I feel. All three of my loved ones troubles came very quickly. Each day I wrestle with emotional thoughts of being inadequate. I do breath work to calm down. Then I remember my parents weren’t going to “get well” and because our emotional communication was very limited, I know in my mind I did everything I could to make them comfortable and not alone. Knowing in my heart is catching up.

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Hi, Isn't that the truth. Intellectually we know we did everything we could at the time, knowing in our heart -wanting to have done more -takes some catching up.

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Thank you for replying Janice. A little validation goes a long way 🙂

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When I was a school guidance counselor, I hung a poster of emotion emojis on the wall. It helped so many kids identify how they felt. That always amazed me. I will remember your advice if I ever need it. Thanks so much, Janice. Wonderful article as always. ~ Jan xoxo PS I am having commenting on your blogs each week without signing in, etc. Just know I am always reading them.

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Ah, Jan, Thank you so much - and for reading them.

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Oh goodness. Emotions are the driver of caregiving. We have to (so many times) make decisions and leave the emotions in the attic. I'm not sure how I survived both my mother's and my own while taking care of her. I think after she was gone I remained numb for months, maybe for the first few years. I try not to go back and live in regrets. We do the best we can with what we have at the time. Great article. I wish that list of emotions have been available when I was taking care of my mother. I wonder what she would have thought,

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Hi Patti, That is what I have come to - we did the best we could with what we had at the time.

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Amen.

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