I thought it might be helpful for people who are or may be parenting a parent to know about feelings that the parent might feel as they have to depend on their children in more ways than they want
Thank you, Janice. This hits home as my parents are approaching this point. My dad, in particular, seems to be in denial about the amount of help he needs. I am trying to be supportive and consider his feelings, but for safety's sake I also want him to be able to accept help. I appreciate your thoughts on this!
"I get depressed with the limitations I run into - and know there will be more." Knowing it will get worse -- that is the part I dread! I am in the same position as you are now, Janice. Still up and moving, still mostly well, still able to manage most of my life. But I dread becoming infirm, immobile in need of constant care. God bless my son who calls every morning without fail to make sure I am on my feet. What you write means so much to me and to others in the same stage of life.
I’m 68 and my children remind me to make plans to be closer to them while I’m in my seventies and like you I feel sad at the idea of having to give up driving or my independence. This letter is so honest. Thank you!
Important feedback! You sound as if you are doing great! In my post today I interview an 85-year-old woman. She was such an absolute delight to interview and I found her to be an inspiration. You might enjoy listening!
I appreciate your newsletter, Janice. I'm an adult kid who worries about my aging parents. They take care of each other, but I see and hear the changes they face. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope it's healing for you too.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this, Janice. I think about this....first as it related to my parents, who, I believe, hid some of their 'needs' in an effort to not be a burden.
In the same fashion, I don't want to burden my children. The possibility that I may need help at some point terrifies me. I think it's important to have ongoing conversations within the family to talk about what that might look like. Better to have those talks than to have your children suddenly thrust into a caregiver situation without knowing your wishes and theirs.
I think I'm still in denial that I will need help at some point. I wonder if that's the case for many of us.
Janice, your honesty is so refreshing and helpful. I think needing help with the computer is generational... the millennials grew up with computers, we baby boomers did not. When our family first got a computer, our daughter, who was three or four, took to it much faster than I did!😅 I still ask her for help on so many computer and internet and tech things. She’s been living with us this year for many reasons, and it has been an enormous blessing. I, too, feel embarrassed when I need her help for things, but I remember when my parents needed my help for things, and I only wish I had helped them even more than they asked for. In retrospect the times people have with their parents as they age are golden memories. I’m rambling, you stirred up a lot of emotions and thoughts, and it’s helpful. thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing this! My 87 year old Mom lives with me and my teenage son. We’re blessed to have her and she loves the company, but I know she has many of these feelings. She hates to impose when she needs help so I try to ask her what she needs before she has to ask me. I also feel guilty if I’m too busy juggling work, home schooling a teenager, and writing. I never want her to feel like a burden because she has given so much of herself to me and our family and she deserves our support and respect.
Impressed you are playing pickle ball -- even if it's light. I saw some Seniors playing the other day... Wow! Great article, Janice. Saving it for my kids some day. xoxo
I thought it might be helpful for people who are or may be parenting a parent to know about feelings that the parent might feel as they have to depend on their children in more ways than they want
Me too! Very healthy, thank God, but this is an issue and I know what I do not want to happen.
Not quite there yet, but heading in that direction. Very useful to set it out so straight.
This is so true and I appreciate you writing about it. Thank you.
Thank you, Janice. This hits home as my parents are approaching this point. My dad, in particular, seems to be in denial about the amount of help he needs. I am trying to be supportive and consider his feelings, but for safety's sake I also want him to be able to accept help. I appreciate your thoughts on this!
I hate that my children think I’m old. It does give me some insight into how my 95 year old mum feels.
"I get depressed with the limitations I run into - and know there will be more." Knowing it will get worse -- that is the part I dread! I am in the same position as you are now, Janice. Still up and moving, still mostly well, still able to manage most of my life. But I dread becoming infirm, immobile in need of constant care. God bless my son who calls every morning without fail to make sure I am on my feet. What you write means so much to me and to others in the same stage of life.
At age 82, I have some of the same feelings. You are brave to share them today. Happy Valentine's Day with the knowledge that you are loved.
I’m 68 and my children remind me to make plans to be closer to them while I’m in my seventies and like you I feel sad at the idea of having to give up driving or my independence. This letter is so honest. Thank you!
Important feedback! You sound as if you are doing great! In my post today I interview an 85-year-old woman. She was such an absolute delight to interview and I found her to be an inspiration. You might enjoy listening!
I appreciate your newsletter, Janice. I'm an adult kid who worries about my aging parents. They take care of each other, but I see and hear the changes they face. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope it's healing for you too.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this, Janice. I think about this....first as it related to my parents, who, I believe, hid some of their 'needs' in an effort to not be a burden.
In the same fashion, I don't want to burden my children. The possibility that I may need help at some point terrifies me. I think it's important to have ongoing conversations within the family to talk about what that might look like. Better to have those talks than to have your children suddenly thrust into a caregiver situation without knowing your wishes and theirs.
I think I'm still in denial that I will need help at some point. I wonder if that's the case for many of us.
Janice, your honesty is so refreshing and helpful. I think needing help with the computer is generational... the millennials grew up with computers, we baby boomers did not. When our family first got a computer, our daughter, who was three or four, took to it much faster than I did!😅 I still ask her for help on so many computer and internet and tech things. She’s been living with us this year for many reasons, and it has been an enormous blessing. I, too, feel embarrassed when I need her help for things, but I remember when my parents needed my help for things, and I only wish I had helped them even more than they asked for. In retrospect the times people have with their parents as they age are golden memories. I’m rambling, you stirred up a lot of emotions and thoughts, and it’s helpful. thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing this! My 87 year old Mom lives with me and my teenage son. We’re blessed to have her and she loves the company, but I know she has many of these feelings. She hates to impose when she needs help so I try to ask her what she needs before she has to ask me. I also feel guilty if I’m too busy juggling work, home schooling a teenager, and writing. I never want her to feel like a burden because she has given so much of herself to me and our family and she deserves our support and respect.
Impressed you are playing pickle ball -- even if it's light. I saw some Seniors playing the other day... Wow! Great article, Janice. Saving it for my kids some day. xoxo