Lovely piece. When I got married, our celebrant gave my husband and I once piece of very simple but effective advice - "bend, don't break". We try to adhere to that.
I am so interested in your two messages to your younger self.
I hate figures with a passion and my husband loves them, so it's been a natural concomitant that I cede the business side of our life to my husband whilst I take on the rest. It works well but in the back of my mind, there is the 'what if...' scenario and so I suggested he make a comprehensive list of our financial commitments, phone numbers, email addresses of organisations we deal with, a contacts list of his work colleagues (he's a consultant three days a week) and so forth. He updates this regularly as needed. Will that be enough to help me in the worst case? Not sure.
On the second point, like you and Dan, we are each other's best friends, despite that his work has taken him overseas and interstate right through our marriage. I do almost everything with him when he's home, but I have small friendships which give me a life apart from him and which I cherish. My problem is that really, I enjoy my space and whilst they say socialising is vital to avoid dementia, I find socialising mentally exhausting. But I do have interests (my dog first and foremost, writing, reading, communicating with friends far away, embroidery, gardening, ballet, walking and year round swimming) that keep me engaged. Will that be enough in a worst case? Again, not sure.
I just feel that I have a wonderfully respectful, loving and happy marriage of 49 years, so why not enjoy every minute of it while we are given the chance? Others are not so lucky.
I see a lot of me in what you wrote. It's so easy to leave the finances to him. I know some things about them, and we have somewhat of a system for passwords and such, I know if I have to deal with everything at some point, it will be a struggle. The advice to your younger self is advice my older self should heed.
Really enjoy your writing and perspective, Janice. Thanks for another great piece. It seems that couples who married around the time you did (and my parents, Aunt and Uncle) were more committed to putting the work in to make a relationship ship work. So many couples are not willing to make the sacrifices and compromises that are paramount to long relationships.
Your number 2 describes Frank and I. We worked together, had a business together, do everything together. It has worked because we bring different skills and qualities to the relationship and we respect and appreciate them. He is 9 years older than me so I know that I might be single at some point. I imagine and plan in my head what my life might look like and we talk openly about it. Your posts are very enlightening. Thank you.
I was so independent before I married almost four years ago (for the first time at 62). My husband initiates and works most of the "boring" stuff as well. I must remember to nurture the solo me—the marriage is so important—but I'm still learning to assimilate working as a team. Good reminder for me to not shy away from the broken pipes, AC issues, and washing the car.
Thank you for this lovely piece of writing about your long and happy marriage Janice, and how you've negotiated life without your life partner. As a twice divorced woman (both initiated by me) it's interesting to read how long marriages can work when both parties are totally committed to it I enjoyed reading it
Over the years, I’ve made many decisions and choices. Many worked well, others didn’t. In retrospect, I would make two differently.
I hear you. Right now I'm glued to 'This is Us' - the human condition, relationships, dynamics and box of tissues and it's gloriously beautiful. xo
Lovely piece. When I got married, our celebrant gave my husband and I once piece of very simple but effective advice - "bend, don't break". We try to adhere to that.
Excellent conclusions, Janice. Thank you for being out there!
Great advice, Janice!
Great advice to your younger self and all young ones out there now.
Thank you for another beautiful piece ❤️
Excellent advice!
I am so interested in your two messages to your younger self.
I hate figures with a passion and my husband loves them, so it's been a natural concomitant that I cede the business side of our life to my husband whilst I take on the rest. It works well but in the back of my mind, there is the 'what if...' scenario and so I suggested he make a comprehensive list of our financial commitments, phone numbers, email addresses of organisations we deal with, a contacts list of his work colleagues (he's a consultant three days a week) and so forth. He updates this regularly as needed. Will that be enough to help me in the worst case? Not sure.
On the second point, like you and Dan, we are each other's best friends, despite that his work has taken him overseas and interstate right through our marriage. I do almost everything with him when he's home, but I have small friendships which give me a life apart from him and which I cherish. My problem is that really, I enjoy my space and whilst they say socialising is vital to avoid dementia, I find socialising mentally exhausting. But I do have interests (my dog first and foremost, writing, reading, communicating with friends far away, embroidery, gardening, ballet, walking and year round swimming) that keep me engaged. Will that be enough in a worst case? Again, not sure.
I just feel that I have a wonderfully respectful, loving and happy marriage of 49 years, so why not enjoy every minute of it while we are given the chance? Others are not so lucky.
I see a lot of me in what you wrote. It's so easy to leave the finances to him. I know some things about them, and we have somewhat of a system for passwords and such, I know if I have to deal with everything at some point, it will be a struggle. The advice to your younger self is advice my older self should heed.
Really enjoy your writing and perspective, Janice. Thanks for another great piece. It seems that couples who married around the time you did (and my parents, Aunt and Uncle) were more committed to putting the work in to make a relationship ship work. So many couples are not willing to make the sacrifices and compromises that are paramount to long relationships.
Your number 2 describes Frank and I. We worked together, had a business together, do everything together. It has worked because we bring different skills and qualities to the relationship and we respect and appreciate them. He is 9 years older than me so I know that I might be single at some point. I imagine and plan in my head what my life might look like and we talk openly about it. Your posts are very enlightening. Thank you.
I was so independent before I married almost four years ago (for the first time at 62). My husband initiates and works most of the "boring" stuff as well. I must remember to nurture the solo me—the marriage is so important—but I'm still learning to assimilate working as a team. Good reminder for me to not shy away from the broken pipes, AC issues, and washing the car.
Thank you for this lovely piece of writing about your long and happy marriage Janice, and how you've negotiated life without your life partner. As a twice divorced woman (both initiated by me) it's interesting to read how long marriages can work when both parties are totally committed to it I enjoyed reading it