16 Comments

Anyone who cares for a spouse faces a similar dilemma - moving from the relationship they had to the one they must now have.

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I can't imagine how difficult this was. It's hard enough reconciling who I am now with who I was then without the arduous task of caring for someone with dementia.

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Hi Donna, I had no idea how difficult it would be either. Maybe you can't until you are there and it sinks in bit by bit. I do know the whole experience changed me forever.

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It is very valuable work you are doing when you share this information with others. While we can never know ahead of time how we will feel, I think being given this foresight will make a difference if any of us are faced with a similar situation.

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Thanks, Donna. That it is my hope and goal.

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So much wisdom here, about all the grief and letting go of what used to be true. Thanks for this!

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Number 2 hit hard. You had SO many years in your role and then… had to take on a new one you didn’t want. Thank you for sharing this!

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The Family Caregiver Alliance is such a wonderful resource, Janice. Thank for introducing me to it! You always share things I never would have found. Happy weekend to you. I hope you get out and have some fun.

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Caregiving for anyone requires an entire new life plan for both parties. For me it was a tough role. However, with time my mother and I made it work, until her issues were out of my realm. One of the most important things to constantly assess is safety, for all. Emotions tend to cloud, and of course we always want to do the right thing... but sometimes the right thing means doing the most painful. Doing what's best is rarely easy. Good article, Janice, as always.

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Hi Patti, I totally agree with your point about safety - it was a big concern that I had for both of us.

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Always inspiring. ❤️

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Thank you Paolo!

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Jul 20
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Hi, And welcome.

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Jul 20
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Hi,

You seem to have a wealth of caregiving experience. Maybe you will have some tips to share with us as well.

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Hi Janice — I had an Ah-ha moment reading this blog entry. Thanks! It’s not just dementia that changes your spousal relationship. After my husband needed a heart ablation and began losing strength, he’s become a “grumpy old man.” I think if I accept we are in a changing relationship, things might get more peaceful around here. Thanks again.

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Hi Jan, I'm sorry you are going through this - I know how tough these changes are. It was an ah-ha moment for me as well when I realized that what we had could/was no longer going to be. You make a good point - you are in a changing relationship - and not one of your choosing - but it is what it is now.

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