All three of these issues were major concerns of mine when caring for my mother. Who knows if I asked the right questions or not? But I remember all those meds bottles lined up on the kitchen counter, each with its own instructions and frequency and purpose, and just praying they knew what they were doing. I will never know, Janice. All I know is that she was 97 and in pain. I loved her and did my best for her by following instructions. I have stopped blaming myself. I hope you have/will , too. Thanks for caring.
I want to provide some context to the comments you made about pharmaceuticals. First, drug companies don't pay physicians to prescribe drugs, they pay them to do things like give speeches and answer market research questions. Second, 90+% of all drugs are generic, and those are the drugs that are most often with supply problems. That's because generics are dirt cheap, and the companies don't make enough money to afford to have back up supply. And they certainly aren't paying physicians to prescribe them! Third, only some kinds of drugs "wear off" and require increased dosage. What could be happening instead is the underlying disease may be progressing.
Hi Janice, You point to a major problem. Most people don't have enough understanding of healthcare issues to make an informed decision when faced with these complex problems. That is why I write about medical topics in a style that laymen can understand three times a week.
The over medicating going on is scary. The rebound effect and layering more and more will eventually cause a crash. We must (all) be extremely aware of this for ourselves and loved ones. And oft times it means changing doctors... not so fun (especially) in the aging process. Good read, Janice. Thank you.
Thanks for the informative article, Janice!!! I took care of my 86 yr old mom when she was dying -- dying from the aggressive chemo they subjected her to for a small lung cancer that never grew. After she died, I threw out containers & containers of unopened pain meds that Hospice brought. I definitely wished I had asked more questions. xoxo
The people you loved -- do you think they would want you agonizing over this? Do you think they didn't know you were doing your best?
Don't you know they wouldn't be blaming you -- don't you know they wouldn't want you suffering?
You loved them but they also loved you. You made mistakes but everyone does.
There's always a regret. There's always something you wish you had handled differently.
One of my cousins sat by her mother's bedside for two days. She went home to shower and nap and her mother died before she got home.
You do your best with what you know. And you remember the people you love, loved you and they know you weren't God and you would have saved them if you could.
My father's favorite line "No one gets out of here alive, baby."
Then he'd twinkle. "But I thought God would make an exception for me."
Thank you, Bridget, for this lovely reminder. My head understands this perfectly. The heart is a little slow to catch up. What you say makes so much sense. If I had been the one dying and my mom had been taking care of ME, I would have appreciated every little thing she did and would never have wanted her to regret anything - because we loved each other.
I lost my mom when I was 22 and I've sat and nursed loved ones while they were dying. Especially in the last seven years as everyone reaches the danger zone.
The instinct is always to keep them with you. The engrained response is if they die, I've failed them.
Maybe. Maybe not.
But they trust you to do your best and I know you did.
Make notes on what you would have done differently and share them with your family.
All three of these issues were major concerns of mine when caring for my mother. Who knows if I asked the right questions or not? But I remember all those meds bottles lined up on the kitchen counter, each with its own instructions and frequency and purpose, and just praying they knew what they were doing. I will never know, Janice. All I know is that she was 97 and in pain. I loved her and did my best for her by following instructions. I have stopped blaming myself. I hope you have/will , too. Thanks for caring.
That I can.
I want to provide some context to the comments you made about pharmaceuticals. First, drug companies don't pay physicians to prescribe drugs, they pay them to do things like give speeches and answer market research questions. Second, 90+% of all drugs are generic, and those are the drugs that are most often with supply problems. That's because generics are dirt cheap, and the companies don't make enough money to afford to have back up supply. And they certainly aren't paying physicians to prescribe them! Third, only some kinds of drugs "wear off" and require increased dosage. What could be happening instead is the underlying disease may be progressing.
Hi Karen, thanks for the additional information and clarification.
Thanks for the easy-to-read, informative piece!
Hi Janice, You point to a major problem. Most people don't have enough understanding of healthcare issues to make an informed decision when faced with these complex problems. That is why I write about medical topics in a style that laymen can understand three times a week.
https://nichq.org/insight/intersection-health-equity-and-health-literacy
Janice, this is very helpful and so well written. Clear, easy and full of important info.
I’m so glad to hear that. Take care.
The over medicating going on is scary. The rebound effect and layering more and more will eventually cause a crash. We must (all) be extremely aware of this for ourselves and loved ones. And oft times it means changing doctors... not so fun (especially) in the aging process. Good read, Janice. Thank you.
It is scary, I agree.
Thanks for the informative article, Janice!!! I took care of my 86 yr old mom when she was dying -- dying from the aggressive chemo they subjected her to for a small lung cancer that never grew. After she died, I threw out containers & containers of unopened pain meds that Hospice brought. I definitely wished I had asked more questions. xoxo
Hi Jan, so, do, I wish I’d asked more, said more. Thank you.
When will we ever forgive ourselves? OR will we?
I don’t know-but I do know that I did the best I could at the time- and so did you.
Today.
You forgive yourselves TODAY.
The people you loved -- do you think they would want you agonizing over this? Do you think they didn't know you were doing your best?
Don't you know they wouldn't be blaming you -- don't you know they wouldn't want you suffering?
You loved them but they also loved you. You made mistakes but everyone does.
There's always a regret. There's always something you wish you had handled differently.
One of my cousins sat by her mother's bedside for two days. She went home to shower and nap and her mother died before she got home.
You do your best with what you know. And you remember the people you love, loved you and they know you weren't God and you would have saved them if you could.
My father's favorite line "No one gets out of here alive, baby."
Then he'd twinkle. "But I thought God would make an exception for me."
You loved them. They loved you.
Thank you, Bridget, for this lovely reminder. My head understands this perfectly. The heart is a little slow to catch up. What you say makes so much sense. If I had been the one dying and my mom had been taking care of ME, I would have appreciated every little thing she did and would never have wanted her to regret anything - because we loved each other.
I've been there.
I lost my mom when I was 22 and I've sat and nursed loved ones while they were dying. Especially in the last seven years as everyone reaches the danger zone.
The instinct is always to keep them with you. The engrained response is if they die, I've failed them.
Maybe. Maybe not.
But they trust you to do your best and I know you did.
Make notes on what you would have done differently and share them with your family.